I have decided that I am going to begin blogging about my weight-loss and self-disciplined journey. The past week has been extremely hard. I'd say one of the hardest yet. It became a battle of continuing to care about why I need to be healthy... and I want to succeed at this. I want to be healthier than I am now and I want to see what I am truly capable of. So, if you'd like to, you are more than welcome to take this journey with me. Kind of be my accountability-via blog- without actually doing anything. Great, huh? :)

One thing that scares me about this is that I have to be vulnerable. And sometimes I just don't want to do that, especially with this topic. But until I face the facts and acknowledge I have a problem, nothing will change. So here I am, acknowledging...

My name is Micha and I am an emotional eater.

I hate this about myself. I hate that when I get overwhelmed and when things get tough my first thought is to go to food and not to the Lord, or to read my bible & pray. Or to go run off the stress. It's to food. Why? I've yet to get to the "root" issue, but I'm sure it will surface soon enough.

I've discovered that I am my own worst enemy. It's all in the mind. I eat to satisfy my mental/emotional cravings (for the most part).

In January I started doing the Weight Watchers program online. I did it for about two weeks and then lost all motivation and made up several excuses as to why i should not have to count my daily points and should be allowed to eat whatever I wanted. After a few weeks of this I finally found some determination and lost about 8 lbs. I was excited, saw what hard work could do and then...fell "off the wagon" as some would say. Then in March I decided I was going to give all my effort into it and not focus so much on the "loosing", but focus on being self-controlled and disciplined. This helped me so much! It was amazing to see how with one little change in the mind, things began to change outwardly. I have now lost 18lbs since january and it's awesome!

....and then last week happened.

It was that time of the month..you know..the dreaded .

and that's all I'm going to say about that.

..needless to say all that "self-control" went out the freaking window. More like I threw it out the window. ha! And now I am regretting it. Greatly.

I 've gained 3 lbs..but that's to be expected in some cases and so I'm not too worried about it. What does worry me is my mental state. Where has all the motivation gone?! Why do I have such a hard time wanting to work out and count points. I see the reward in it, so why do i dread doing it?

I know there are "good" days and "bad" days, but, why can't I just have all good ones?

As I say this my next thought is, "Well, Micha, if you had all good days, there wouldn't be much of a struggle and with struggle comes endurance and then comes perseverance and with perseverance comes hope (and results) and hope does not put us to shame, for the Love of God has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. "

Pretty sure that's 2 verses mixed into one, but that's how I roll sometimes.

You get the idea. I'm becoming a stronger, better person because I am struggling with the issue of weight. Does that even work? How does that work?

...i have no clue.. but when I figure it out I will be sure to let you know.

Today i'm starting fresh. It's a new day and so far I've done really well. I'm still on-track with my points and have plenty left for dinner and maybe a snack after.

I always hate "re-starting" things, just because It takes several days/weeks to feel and see results. When you are in the middle of it, you feel different, feel good, feel like you are actually doing something. So my goal is to get to that feeling. Hoping it won't take weeks to get there again, but we shall see.

Today the Lord reminded me that, "I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and self-control" (2tim)

So today, I choose to walk in self-control.

I'm thankful that even through my lack of discipline and my ridiculous love of food, God still loves me and still desires my heart.

..until next time...